Intellectualizing about Intellectualizing

A loved one recently told me I was "intellectualizing" and my first reaction was to sort of know what she meant and feel both defensive (no I'm not, how can you say that!)  and embarrassed (I probably AM).  And of course, a bit hurt and off balance, as well. 

My second reaction was "but what does that actually MEAN?"  which probably sort of demonstrates the point.   Then after mulling it over for a few days, I went hunting for information on the term on the internet.... thus clinching the case.  I do intellectualize.   Still, it can be useful at times. I did learn something.   And I gained something out of what she said, which I might not have if I had just reacted simply with something like "How could you say that???"

So here's what I gathered:  

Intellectualization is a "flight into reason".   It's often associated with the use of jargon.   It differs from rationalization which strives to justify irrational activity.  Someone intellectualizes in order to consider an event or reaction without feeling the anxiety involved in the full experience.   It's a way of detaching or distancing.  

Some think it is associated with emotional impoverishment or unpredictability in childhood --  intellectual activity becomes a way to self-soothe, to regulate distress.   I suppose that aside from  that, if the family style is somewhat intellectual and a child perceives it, he or she may adopt that style of relating starting at a very early age.  In my case, I have always been very emotional, and often found emotional things very difficult to manage directly.   As a child, I didn't like the results when I did let my emotions loose.  Thinking gave me a certain amount of clarity while feelings alone were just disturbing, as often as not.   It might be as simple as that. 


Apparently the problem with intellectualizing is when it's used not just to modify anxiety or to gain perspective but in order to escape altogether from dis, or to repress emotion. 

While searching, I found another site that gives a list of coping mechanisms.   Wow, there's quite a list there.  There is a section on positive coping.   Because I wanted to know the difference between defensive mechanism and positive strategies, I read that carefully.

The way you cope positively is:  solve the problem, address the underlying root problem,  look for the benefits in the bad things (silver lining, making lemonade, etc), and  use the problem as a way to grow spiritually.   The basic idea with these positive mechanisms is that adversity becomes an opportunity rather than something that weakens you permanently.  So you find solutions, genuinely adapt or grow in response to the bad situation.


Following up on this idea and looking for ways to turn bad things to good, I found a PDF article on positive coping.    I haven't read all of it, but I thought there were some interesting distinctions here: 

Researchers have come up with two basic distinctions, such as (a) instrumental, attentive, vigilant, or confrontative coping on the one hand, as opposed to (b) avoidant, palliative, and emotional coping on the other . A well-known approach has been put forward by Lazarus (1991), who separates problem-focused from emotion-focused coping. Another conceptual distinction is between assimilative and accommodative coping, whereby the former aims at modifying the environment and the latter at modifying oneself (Brandtstädter, 1992). Assimilative coping implies tenacious goal pursuit, and accommodative coping flexible goal adjustment.

I have only the vaguest idea of what might be meant here, but they seem to indicate different styles or approaches to coping.     The article goes on to talk more in detail about that idea of constructive problem-solving.  It seems to depend quite a bit on the confidence that one CAN modify one's circumstances (or at least, adapt to them).  

This still left me a little puzzled in regards to HOW intellectualization is maladaptive.  Couldn't you say that  it gives you more ways to problem-solve and grow?  For example, by this research, am I not finding various strategies and insights that could be helpful? 

I suppose a key phrase there is "could be".   For example, I am often aware that I am spinning my wheels when I go beyond what I could act on and into "information-gathering" mode.  I did that excessive information gathering a lot when I first began homeschooling.  I was anxious about such a new thing, and so to cope I would often research to the point beyond where it was helpful..  Some of the research was useful.    But using it for "comfort", beyond a certain point, was using the wrong tool for the wrong procedure.  I should ideally be researching in order to learn and not to alleviate anxiety (at least, not more than necessary -- so often motives are mixed and obscure in this sort of thing!)

I can also see where the intellectual approach  would be a problem when one person is looking for direct response and the other person is deviating into side tracks.  This would be frustrating for the first person because it's not really acknowledging the situation. 

Seeing that, I started wondering how I could do this differently in future.  I grew up thinking that when two emotional people confronted each other emotionally, usually nothing came of it but harm.  At the same time, I can see where trying to take the high ground and put an intellectual spin on relationship difficulties might just add to the problem.   So what does one do to meet conflict constructively, but without sort of dropping the ball by defensive tactics? 

 I went looking for information on coping with conflict, and found this.   Conflict is one of the types of stressors where many people use their least positive coping mechanisms, probably because different types of conflict are probably way back in the deepest experience of most people who have grown up in families.  

The basic idea seems to be that conflict should be done as constructively as possible.

The problem is, often conflict is very threatening.  Hardly anyone I know handles that kind of threat well.    In fact, what Tolstoy says about every unhappy family being unhappy in its own way seems particularly applicable in terms of relationship dynamics.   There are definitely patterns that you can see -- some people avoid personal conflict and others seem to seek it out, etc.  But everyone seems to bring their unique spin to it, and too often, it's fragmented bits and pieces from their basic temperament, their family's dynamics, and their reactions to their family dynamics, all so pre-rational that it's hard to even understand what is making oneself react in a given way, let alone the other person.   Very often, threatened people cling to a "right way" that isn't necessarily helpful, but that has been more or less engrained in them. 

I don't feel like I understand much better how to manage this tricky kind of life problem.  But I did get a better sense of how one might approach emotional things -- not by distancing from emotion OR getting submerged in it, but trying to figure out how to resolve things in a positive way, and looking at conflicts and life difficulties as things that can be helpful rather than just as dangers and drains to one's well-being.   Not that all conflicts can be resolved perfectly, but even with the ones that don't work out, sometimes you can still grow and become stronger in some way or another by tackling it rather than trying to put it at a distance. 

After writing all that, I feel a bit like one of CS Lewis's "Men without Chests."  He talks about how all the reasoning in the world won't help a man stand firm under fire, or rush into risk to help his buddy..  And that is very true.  I feel like my approach is rather roundabout; all the same, he didn't say never to think, only that reducing everything down to pragmatics left you without even something as pragmatic as good common sense. 

getting better

Apparently there is an Art of Getting Well!    I am not one of the chronically ill who are described in this book, but I do feel like I have been sick for a long time.  I got ill with a severe cold or possibly flu in the earlier part of October, and now it is late November, and two mornings ago was the first time during that time that I woke up feeling some energy.

I think it had to have been some kind of walking pneumonia.  It wasn't really that bad because I could still sit and write, and if I REALLY had to do something, I could get it done.  But I cut way back on everything during that time.     Perhaps I should have gone to the doctor, but we were traveling so much that it seemed difficult to schedule it in, and I was feeling very resistant to taking antibiotics. 

When I was a child I used to love the day or two after being quite ill, like with a stomach flu or a fever or in adolescence, with severe monthly cramps and nausea.   Everything seemed brand new, like the outdoors when the sun is shining right after a rainstorm.  There seemed to be so many possibilities.  Just feeling no pain was a blessing.   And then added to that, you could actually enjoy the things around you again -- like the difference between surfing and barely keeping your head above water.  Or like Dorothy in the movie when she steps out of her house into Oz.

The same sort of thing happens after you have a baby, I noticed during my childbearing years!    They say it takes six weeks to recover fully, but I usually think I feel better after about two weeks.  I always pretty much tried to do everything as I normally would, and get somewhat irritated at myself when I flake out.  Then a day comes when I actually DO feel better and realize that I was just managing before.   There is no mistaking the difference, but it simply takes time, and though you can will yourself into functioning, you can't will yourself into being better.  

Being sick for over a month, though not much of an ordeal compared to what many suffer chronically or acutely, did give me a preview of what it might be like to have an ongoing health condition.    It was hard not to be able to count on normal resources.   You adjust, but it sometimes feels like you are living in a different body.  

This Sunday, though I still didn't move around much, I actually spent planning and putting things together, and I've started a notebook for listing household and holiday things to get done.   Even though I do a lot of planning on the computer I still seem to need paper to actually write down the tasks as I go along through the day.  And not only that, but I could focus on my husband and kids' conversations, which I was not doing very well before.  SUCH a difference.

Then on Monday I actually cleaned the house!  And got the kids helping too! 

While I was on a roll on Sunday, I listed a bunch of Advent resources over at Top Meadow Study Center,  and wrote a pre-planning post over at Take Up and Read.     I'm going to actually try to work some of them.    I am finally starting to understand Pinterest a little and it is actually not so overwhelming as it was at first.    It seems you have to kind of adjust your brain and eyes a certain way in order to get something out of it besides confusion, but if you can make the switch, it's rewarding.


My daughter is coming home for Thanksgiving, but my older sons aren't going to be able to make it.  That is a first, and sad!  But it is so close to Christmas that I can live with it.


I have a few prayer intentions I could use prayers for, though they concern other people and will have to stay private for that reason.  

Also, Matt Wise who is in the ICU still could really use prayers to turn a corner.   Some things are improving, but other things are not looking good.     If you have anything difficult going on during this season maybe you will feel called to offer some of it up for him and his family as well as this little premie whose mom I last saw as a teen (she's a little older than that now but not much).

Keeping House Book Study: Chapter One

Housework is a beginning, not an end. But it is a beginning—not a sidetrack, not a distraction, but a beginning, and an essential one at that—in the properly Christian work of, among other things, meeting the everyday needs of others, whether those others be our fellow household members, our near neighbors, or people more sociologically or geographically distant from ourselves.

I divided this first chapter up into two weeks because there was so much content.  It covers both the history and sociology of housekeeping AND the scriptural references to housekeeping, which were both meaningful parts of the book for me.  So I thought we could easily find enough to discuss for two weeks.  After that we'll try to read a chapter a week.  The chapters are quite short so I hope it won't be too much even during the holiday seasons which are coming up fast!

This week I am reading What's Christian about Housework? and stopping just before the section called Divine Domesticity.   I am sorry that these two sections are not very practical.   I think as we go through the book we will get more into implementation and practical helps, but perhaps it's better to consider the principles before getting into how they work out in everyday life.  

In the first part of the chapter, Mrs Peterson tells about her upbringing from the perspective of keeping house.   As a child, she liked to cook and her mother showed her how to make a few simple dishes.   She doesn't remember liking laundry, but her mother taught her anyway, and one of her brothers got very good at folding, to the extent that he was widely admired by old ladies at the laundromat.   She never learned to like cleaning much, perhaps because her mother didn't care for it. 

As an adult in grad school, Mrs Peterson went through the severe illness and eventual death of her first husband.  During those years, she was made sharply aware that the basics of feeding, clothing and caring for one's loved ones are more fundamental and crucial than the academics everyone else was focusing on.   She carried that awareness into her second marriage and eventual motherhood.

I retained the long-held sense, of which I had been made so consciously aware during those difficult years of illness, that housekeeping—cooking, cleaning, laundry, all the large and small tasks that go into keeping a household humming along—was not a trivial matter but a serious one. People need to eat, to sleep, to have clothes to wear; they need a place to read, a place to play, a place into which to welcome guests and from which to go forth into the world. These are the needs that housework exists to meet.

Being an academic and Christian, she looked for books on this topic, but could find none, which surprised her.    She delved into the history and sociology of housework and found that as the actual amount of housekeeping done has declined, the "myth" of housekeeping has gone upwards.

There are lots of fancy magazines devoted to cooking and cleaning and "keeping house" but it is pictured as sort of a leisure fantasy activity.  The dailiness and sometimes hard work of housekeeping is not usually mentioned.  You are encouraged to believe (as with so many things in our culture) that if you buy the right products everything will be easy and look glamorous.

There is also a note of resentment in our cultural approach to housework.  Who should do it, especially as everyone is increasingly spending much of their time out of the home?   Does it change as circumstances change?  Why are women commonly given most of the responsibility even when they are the primary breadwinners in their family?   What about retired couples, or adult kids living at home?

Yet at the same time, everyone still seems to have a longing to have someone take care of us, somehow. 

This note of longing is the other side of the frazzled reality that is housework for many people. Shouldn’t home be a place of refreshment, of nurturance, of beauty? Why do the house, and the housework, seem so out of control? Isn’t there a better way?

There is also the promise of decluttering schemes and home improvement projects that organizing your house will make deep changes in your life.    So keeping house still seems to be thought of as deeply connected to our inner selves. 


Finally, there is the fact that while keeping house is somewhat glamorized in magazines and our own nostalgia for "someone to take care of us", and seems to be deeply connected with our sense of self and of family relationships,  it is also looked down upon.

In fact, anyone who takes too much time to cook (or clean or iron) runs the risk of being regarded as a parasitic blot on society. One study on attitudes toward gender and the workplace found that “while ‘business women’ were rated as similar in competence to ‘business men’ and ‘millionaires,’ ‘housewives’ were rated as similar in competence to the ‘elderly,’ ‘blind,’ ‘retarded,’ and ‘disabled.’” Attitudes like these appear not to reflect gender bias pure and simple, for if they did, businesswomen would presumably rank lower than businessmen. They appear, on the contrary, to be a reflection of judgments about housewives as such. I have a friend, a housewife, who says she cringes every time she fills out a form and is asked to state her occupation. Is it any wonder why?

Mrs Peterson says that all this tangled mixture of attitude towards housework is a legacy of our society's history.    Before the Industrial Revolution, the idea of "staying at home" would have little meaning since almost everyone worked at home -- man, woman and child.    The etymology of "husband" as well as "housewife" both derive from "house" and were related to the primary tasks of man and woman -- caring for their house and land.   The spheres of work were different but fairly complementary.

This changed as factories and industries grew.   Now man, woman, and child all left the home to earn their keep.  Child labor laws changed this for children, and compulsory school replaced compulsory labor.

But though now women went out to work as well as men, the house seemed to become the main responsibility of the woman.   Things like World Wars and feminist movement would flux the situation and bring more women out into the workforce, but nothing changed radically.   Outside the home work was still considered somehow more real and dignified than keeping house.

Again, sentiments and attitudes run very deep and complex in these areas.   Whether work is "paid" or not seems to be more important than whether it is important or not.    Chesterton remarked on this when he said: 

How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone?

It seems to come down to a couple of things.  People think public work is more important than private, and paid work is more important than unpaid.   The book does not go into why this would be.   I think that it could probably become a book in itself.  But certainly, industrialization has had a major impact.

 Another quote from Keeping House:

The “problem” of housework thus became not just that it was “women’s work” or that it was low-status but that it was widely suspected of not being work at all, even by the men who benefited directly from it and by the women whose lives were consumed by it. The seemingly endless amounts of work actually involved in housework (whose pace and quantity only increased with the introduction of every new laborsaving device), the absence of any help at home, and the lack of any recognition of the value and necessity—or even the reality—of the housewife’s work surely went a long way toward fueling the fires of feminist theorizing about housework. For many feminists, the “housewife” embodied the very antithesis of the self-actualized human being. Germaine Greer, in The Female Eunuch, characterized the life of the full-time housewife as one of absolute servitude. Housewives, she said, “represent the most oppressed class of life—contracted unpaid workers, for whom slaves is not too melodramatic a description.”

Mrs Peterson's historical sketch is just that, a sketch.   To me this seems like very rich territory.   I certainly am personally not immune to the feeling that housekeeping is less distinguished than, say, intellectual work or work of public usefulness.    This tradition goes back a very long way.   Greeks and Romans had slaves to do the dirty work, so that they could focus on the nobler things, in the intellectual sphere.

Later, Christianity rehabilitated the idea of domestic labor.    It became noble purely because it was service.  The Son of Man chose to be born into a humble working home; He worked for His own living, and He washed the feet of His own disciples.

Perhaps it is because we live in a post-Christian society that we have lost that idea of the dignity of productive service?  It is not really intuitive, after all.   In some ways it is paradoxical.   It is something that has to be cultivated, and domestic cultivation is the very thing we are short of nowadays.  You don't pick it up in school or in the workplace, where functionality and standardization are key values.  

At the same time, I think it's very true that there is a deep sense that we are lacking when no one is "at home" -- when no one is taking responsibility for the most fundamental things.   There is still a wistful ideal of the well kept, nurturing home.   Even if no one really wants to be the one doing it. 

I personally think a well kept home needs the involvement of both man and woman.  It's not just a girl thing.   Indeed, it's probably a family, shared responsibility.   There is more to it than who ends up doing a given chore.   It is more that, it seems to me, that it is ultimately a communal enterprise and one reason that resentment simmers is that people are trying to hand it off to other people rather than pick up their share. 

However, it does seem that women are more likely to feel personally responsible for the state of the home.   I'm not sure why that is, but would be interested in any thoughts on the topic  I don't think it's JUST cultural. 

Please follow your own rabbit trails here, or consider these questions:

1. Have you read anything else recently that seems to tie into this topic of the mixed feelings towards keeping house?
2. Why do you think it seems to be more of a woman's issue than a man's?  Do you think that husbands/fathers have a part to play in making a home, too?
3. What was your own background with regard to keeping house and its importance?  How do you think that affects what you do nowadays?
4. Any favorite quotes from the chapter (or from elsewhere related to this topic?)

Next week is the second part of Chapter 1, from the beginning of "Divine Domesticity" to the end of the chapter. 

Spring Challenge #5: Your Own Person

Mystie's last Spring Challenge was "your own person". 

She writes:

If we, as wives and mothers and homemakers, are the very heart of the home, that means we set the tone of our home. Moreover, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and have you ever read about how ornate and beautiful God prescribed His first temple to be? How much work did God think His temple was worthy of? Moreover, as wives we picture the Church — and God always speaks of cleaning and beautifying his bride. By taking the time to maintain and beautify our very selves, we proclaim that God’s work is worthy of adornment, that God loves and desires beauty, and that the Church and our homes are glorious things

This is very true, of course. And I need the reminder. I'm usually good about taking time for myself, but not always so good about thinking about my presentation.

This being said, I couldn't think of much to do, but here is what I came up with.

“maintenance” task your person needs

This one wasn't a surface change, though I think it helps my surface. I started exercising again. As a 48 year old woman, I need to keep my cardiovascular system in working order, and my bones from losing density. Plus exercise helps my mood, my stress level, and my complexion. The secret for me is LIGHT exercise and strength training. I don't like being out of breath -- makes me panicky!  I finally figured out why I was always falling off my exercise routines!  So when I learned to take it easy, I started enjoying myself and I can already  feel the change.

one “extra,”

For the "extra" I cut my coffee intake. Caffeine has many benefits, but I was drinking too much coffee out of habit, and so I cut back to 1-2 cups a day (rather than 4-5).  Honestly, I don't feel that much different.  I'm apparently not someone who is much affected either way by caffeine.   I was expecting to get headaches and want to sleep more, but it didn't work that way.  Still, I'm going to continue with the limited amount. 

one “superfluous” beautification.

I couldn't think of anything. But finally I realized I had been procrastinating cutting my hair. And it was really starting to bother me. I like it better when it's  fairly short. I only took an "after" picture -- partly because I did the cutting on impulse, and partly because it didn't really look too much different "before" but it feels much better!


So in that sense maybe it could be called superfluous!

Aidan took the picture!!

time and reverence

Idleness is the enemy of the soul. Therefore, the brothers should have specified periods for manual labor as well as for prayerful reading (lectione divina) -- Rule of St Benedict

The Family Cloister tells of a monastery in Oregon that has a 24-hour work week -- that is, the monks work 4 hours a day, 6 days a week, and that is sufficient to provide for themselves and even make profit enough to donate to the needy.

I suspect that this is fairly typical.  These horariums show work from 10 to 12 and from either 3:30 to 5:30, or from 2 to 5.

Of course, this doesn't mean the monks are idle the rest of the time.  They rise during the night to pray, and also pray much of the rest of the day.    Another part of the day is devoted to reading and study, and another part to eating

I want to think about this balance.    Those of us "in the world" often work 40 - 60 hours a week, but in most cases, we probably aren't working hard the whole time.  Some productivity books suggest keeping track of a typical work day... how much of the day is REALLY productive?  How much is padding or dead time?  Is there a way to change the ratio?

Of course, some people are really working hard their whole day -- that seems to be one of the demeaning things about the post-industrial Revolution work-week.   People were actually on task, slaving at mechanical labor, for many hours a day with no change or relief.   And no doubt, serfs and slaves were often treated with similar indignity. ... turned into living machines who were exhausted by over-use. 

 No resolution here, I am just trying to think about what type of life is best.   


By varying the routine over the course of the day and also over the course of the year, the Benedictines seemed to provide spaces in Time.

Spaces in the temporal order seem to sometimes act as clutter-catchers.   That is, they open the door to idleness and waste of time.   That is probably why so many Americans are "work-haunted" -- they only feel happy and virtuous when they are doing something.


But monasteries avoid idleness and sloth.    How?   One way seems to be by a dignified pace.   Nothing is hurried, everything has a preparation and conclusion.

This may be a solution for me of the problem of my kids being at loose ends and craving video games or such things.   I tend to get through things with dispatch so I can get something else done.   But life isn't just about "getting things done".   It's above all about reverence, which takes time.     Over-haste tends to reduce real efficiency and also flatten out the significance of the moment.    So, something for me to think about.

Trysting with the Creator

...t something’s still missing in this picture, and it is this: the couple’s personal encounter with God. They should see childbearing as a mission of their marriage — God’s particular call to them, personally, and not just a general rule for couples; and so their decisions about how to fulfill this mission should be made not merely on the basis of calculations — even moral calculations — but in consultation with the mission-Giver. The Church’s moral teachings are a great gift, because they save us from the bad effects of innocent wrong-doings; they can stop us from unknowingly messing up our lives, if we’re humble enough to listen. But they don’t replace a tryst with the Creator — and who would want them to?

-- The NFP Index    quoted here on Why doesn't the Church just make a checklist?

The point here resonates with me beyond "use NFP or not".  It seems to apply to all those areas where one feels frustrated because God hasn't provided a checklist or a template for success that applies across the board.

As Chesterton said, God gave us a lot of freedom with only a few "Thou Shalt Nots..."

"The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion, but, on the contrary, of its liberality and humanity. It is shorter to state the things forbidden than the things permitted; precisely because most things are permitted, and only a few things are forbidden."

Yet there's a thoroughly human tendency, judging from my own heart, to want to have more than this, MORE guidelines than He has given.   And of course, there's a correlating tendency to want to give other people guidelines or laws that have not come from Him. 

Think parenting.  Think education.   No matter how many people try to convince you that there is One Divine Way to bring up children or educate them, it is not so.   There is a surprisingly small part that is absolutely obligatory.  There are ways that have worked for some or many people in some circumstances.   There are certainly general principles  "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up," "Train up your child in the way he should go...."  but there are very few specifics "You must send your kids to school, you must keep them home, you must use the educational methods of the 15th or 19th or 20th or 22nd century".

A minimum of absolute laws does not mean a minimal practice of Christianity.  Quite the opposite, though it is surprising how often one falls into the trap of thinking that the more rules oneself or another person has, the more holy she is.   St Paul said, tellingly:

"Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive.

Who judges what is beneficial and constructive within the framework of the law? That is where the interior conversation with God comes in.

Looking towards the beneficial and the constructive, to what plants good seeds and cultivates them,  is HARD, harder than just obeying the rules.  Like it's harder to draw a picture that is a faithful depiction of something real, than it is to connect the dots or color in a pre-made form.   But apparently God wants us to be engaged in the endeavor, as freely as possible.   He gave us this ability to cooperate with Him and He doesn't want us to bury it in the ground so it will stay safe and unused, it seems.  

So that is why I appreciated the point about listening to God and conversing with Him, where He has intentionally left silences, where He has not provided specifics that universally apply to all people or all families.   I realize I look for checklists in lots of areas because I am looking for a way to defend myself against intimacy.  In a way, I want to keep my heart of stone and be proud of it, too.  I don't really want a heart of flesh, that can be pierced and bruised, that has to depend on Him for every beat.    I wish I did, but sometimes I don't. 

So, just as I sometimes get busy around the house to avoid the face-to-face spontaneous conversation with my children (sorry, but I do sometimes), I sometimes try to get busy about what I have told myself God wants me to do, so that I can avoid standing still and having Him look at me.  So I can keep the barriers up around my heart, so I can more or less claim to be in His service while keeping some bits hidden away. 

That makes me realize I am scared to have those conversations with God.   I am scared, the way Adam and Eve were scared in the garden and fled so that He would not see them. 

Fear is one reason to crave checklists.   If I can wave a checklist -- "see, God, I did everything you asked!"  I don't have to actually meet with Him in the personal relationship He asks for.    I can look around at others who aren't "meeting the objectives" as well as me and figure that I am in better case than they are.  What a trap!  How contrary to what Jesus asks of me.  

I wonder if this was what Our Savior noticed Martha doing -- inadvertently, perhaps, setting up bustling  barricades just so she didn't have to face being swept off balance by His Presence?  If so, how loving and gentle He was in pointing it out!  Perhaps He could tell she was not hiding herself deliberately, unlike the Pharisees; perhaps He could see the loving heart that was trying to express itself indirectly rather than directly, as her sister Mary did. 


St Teresa of Avila wrote:

I am not asking you now to think of Him, or to form numerous conceptions of Him, or to make long and subtle meditations with your understanding. I am asking you only to look at Him. For who can prevent you from turning the eyes of your soul (just for a moment, if you can do no more) upon this Lord? You are capable of looking at very ugly and loathsome things: can you not, then, look at the most beautiful thing imaginable? .... He has borne with thousands of foul and abominable sins which you have committed against Him, yet even they have not been enough to make Him cease looking upon you. Is it such a great matter, then, for you to avert the eyes of your soul from outward things and sometimes to look at Him? See, He is only waiting for us to look at Him....

Looking and listening is so much harder than saying and doing; the latter should rightly flow from the former yet too often one wants to skip the relationship part and just go to the checking off the checklist part. I find myself doing this in so many areas of life.   But that is not His way.   I am so glad it isn't even though it is scary.

Categories of Responsibilty

In our chain of present moments, each one appearing consecutively and then streaming behind us, there seem to be three kinds of things that we have to respond to.  I was thinking about this in the car yesterday, so I'm going to use car examples.

One is direct choices... I am driving and a car cuts in front of me.  I slam on the brakes, and hopefully don't mutter curses at the driver.  But I have a choice of some sort.   Suppose I accidentally rear-end him.  Then my task is to respond to an accident scene.   These choices are immediate.

Two is indirect choices.  Perhaps I am waiting in traffic and I run out of gas because I didn't fill the tank earlier in the day when I should have.  Or perhaps someone stops by my car to say hi and I'm embarrassed because of all the trash and food crumbs visible.    In these cases, I have already chosen earlier and I am dealing with consequences.   I am mentioning bad scenarios because these are the ones I usually notice.  When I do fill with gas, or clean the car, the results may not become apparent in such a shocking fashion.  But of course, good choices have consequences, too.

Three is things where there is no real choice, things that just happen.  ... the choice was somebody else's, or simply God's.   A drunk driver crosses the yellow line, a blizzard shuts down the road outside your house so you can't get out, your car dies mysteriously.   Probably the effects of some of these things could be somewhat forestalled by preparation, but not completely, and the cause is from no choice of yours.

In reality,these three types of happenings are on a continuum, and sometimes it is vexing to try to figure out what is in your control or not.   Sometimes one feels guilty for something that isn't really under one's human control ("if I hadn't been driving on this road I wouldn't have gotten into this crash!").   Sometimes one blames fate for things that are really due to one's own previous choices ("I can't help swearing at those drivers, I come from a line of hot-tempered people"  "What bad luck that I ran out of gas in traffic, everything always happens to me!").

The point I am pondering is how to react to these things.   Father Caussade says that in the present moment, you do what presents itself as your duty, and you accept or suffer cheerfully what you have no present choice about.   If I run out of gas, even if it was partly my own fault, I can take the event with resignation, accepting the cross from God's hands (easier said than done, of course).   But in future perhaps I should make sure I don't get under the quarter-tank level. 

To respond to things peacefully and wisely in this way is Prudence, which I don't have naturally.  I suppose few people do, since it comes from reflecting on experience and principles and applying the understanding to future events.  In my case feelings of guilt and perfectionism cloud the picture.  When something happens it feels like a scolding from God and I just curl into a ball rather than accept and learn.   I suppose it is basically pride -- I don't like coming up short, and bad things happening seem to equate with coming up short. 

I think this is where the "examen" comes in that St Ignatius recommended along with many other spiritual directors.  In the present moment, it's important to gaze clearly at the choices and do the best one can in the moment.  But when the event is over and one has time to reflect (perhaps at the end of the day) one can perhaps think "was this partly under my control?"  "is there anything I could do differently in future?"

Goal-setting books often talk about taking time on a daily, weekly, monthly or yearly basis to check in and see how one's goals are being approached, and this seems wise because over time, you see what's causing obstacles and what's helping you do better.

catching dreams on boards

Dream Boards

I downloaded a sample chapter of a book called One Year to an Organized Life.   I like the idea of "One Year to..." because it seems to acknowledge that most real changes take some time.   One of the things the book mentioned was dream boards... a visual visualization tool, it seems.    More here.    I am just grabbing links, so I don't vouch for the sites or their contents.

If words are more your medium, then you can use a journal, instead.  I suppose that's what I do here sometimes, in a way... try to make things real to me through words.

My guess is that this dream//vision board or journal is a way of visualizing or affirming success.   The sites say that it's an early part of setting goals.... the "contemplation" stage of the Stages of Change that are used to break unhealthy cycles.   But you could use this just to break out of status quo, rather than overcome dysfunction, I guess.

I doubt if I would ever sit down and create a "dream board".  But I have noticed that lots of times my goals fail because of inadequate visualization.  I can't really picture success, so I don't go for it.   In that way, thinking out what I want to see happen might help me actually get there.    So long as I didn't become overly attached to the outcome, so that I got frustrated and angry if it didn't work out like my vision.

It seems like twice a year I start trying to see my house with new eyes... rather than maintain it, I try to imagine what it could be if I changed this... and that.... I do the same thing with homeschool planning.    So maybe that is the essence of this dream board (I always picture something like the Indian dream catchers -- Sean has one on a sweatshirt since he was a member of the Native American club at his school, and we keep getting dream catchers from St Joseph's Indian School).

And it's helpful to see my life sometimes with new eyes, too -- imagine what I would do if I got dropped into it all of a sudden, which things are working for how I want my role to be, and which things could be tweaked, or dropped, or brought in.

The book says that it takes 21 days to form a new habit and that small habits add up over time, which was the other takeaway point I got from it.  I suppose if the dream board delineates the inspiration, the little habits are like the bricks and mortar of the changes.   I actually had success with this method last year when I determined to become more fit.    The "vision" part helped me clarify what I REALLY wanted and figure out what changes would be required.   So it wasn't so much having wild fantasies as actually bringing a vague aspiration into focus and relating it to my real life.

more thinking about blogging

One of my favorite blogs, Cheryl's My Simple Spot, is closing down.   Cheryl wrote lucidly and honestly about her journey towards simplicity.  But I guess her blogging had  taken her past blogging.   Perhaps God intended it to inspire and help herself and other on a journey and now that time is over.   She writes:

This fall I realized that I want more than simple living or minimalism, I want to give my life to doing God's will....And then I still struggled with feeling God's presence in my home. I was distracted, too busy, not making time for Him.  ...... So for today, I am sure of my priorities. There are many good things in this world and I cannot do them all. So blogging has to go.

This made me think.

Blogging is a good thing in itself, but it's hardly a necessity in anyone's life.  For some people it is tied into their job in one way or another.  For me, it's a way to reflect and communicate.

In that way, it can help me with the "duties of my state in life"  --- but it's not at the core of what I do, in itself.

When something isn't per se necessary, but is helpful, it is good to re-evaluate occasionally.  Just as I might go through my clothes or kitchen utensils periodically, with an eye to what is still useful vs what could be given away -- I can do the same with my non-essential activities.

I wonder if this is the essential part of simplicity.   I keep thinking about what is REALLY necessary (with a soundtrack of Hold on Loosely).    There is sort of a pyramid.  God is the "one needful thing."  Then there are "duties" -- what God has assigned you by nature of your vocation -- which essentially relates to parenthood and fruitfulness, whether conjugal, as in the case of married folks, or spiritual, in the case of those called to celibate religious vocations.  

In Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II goes into detail about how a family, by itself, is not a complete unit.  It is meant to give and receive -- to affect the broader society and be supported by it.

I suppose blogging is one way of entering into this broader part of outreach and communion with the larger society of other Christians and the world in general.   If it fits anywhere besides as personal journaling, this is where it fits.

Still, seasons change and what is good and useful for one season may not be so for another.

I'm not leading up to saying I'm quitting blogging.   Basically, I'm just thinking.     What I say here about blogging would of course apply to everything in my life that is not strictly needful.  

A sort of checklist -- I doubt if it's complete but here are some things I am thinking about:

1. Is the activity (blogging or whatever) helping my vocation or distracting me from it?
2. Is it in its proper place in my life?  If not, can I shift things so it is?  
3. Could I give it up if called to?  
4. Am I willing to hand it to God or am I trying to keep the activity for myself?

This would apply to possessions, too, it seems.... or habits that may once have served a useful purpose but don't anymore.

The Present Moment

Father Caussade, in Abandonment to Divine Providence, refers often to the present moment, which is really a wonderful thing when you think about it.

When God lives in the soul it has nothing left of self, but only that which the spirit which actuates it imparts to it at each moment. Nothing is provided for the future, no road is marked out, but it is like a child which can be led wherever one pleases

He is talking here about the soul which trusts completely to God, but it can be read as a simple statement of reality as well.  We don't have guarantees for the future.  We have the moment.   The moment can be broken up into infinitesimal particles (this is one of the few bits I remember from the later part of St Augustin's Confessions).   But the mysterious part is that I'm fully part of that tiny particle of time, and that's the only part where my will is active.   The future has not come yet, though I can prepare for it to some degree, as CS Lewis said.   The past is gone (though I, a sinner, can affect it by repentance -- I think Oscar Wilde was right about that).  either way, whatever I can do about the past and future takes place in this moment, not in any other.   It is like the only way I can participate in eternity for now ... in consecutive particles of seconds.   Yet what a gift.   I admit I used to feel like the present moment was a trap, boring and redundant and incoherent; recently I have been startled by the richness of every moment as it comes.  It's almost too rich and strange, and I think I've fled from it by reading books and getting lost in thought, or planning.  Not that those things aren't good, but they are only a piece of a particle -- a fraction of the moment that is current. 

Duties of My State in Life

That title is a phrase I didn't start hearing until I became a Catholic and started reading older Catholic books.   You can find a bit more about the phrase here, and that blogger links to a reflection on the idea here.    As Jen points out, introverts may not be so tempted to go out and join a million committees and volunteer activities, but they may still find their way out of duty by writing and reading and even inordinate praying (not that prayer can be overdone, but retreating to one's closet to pray while one's baby is screaming with a dirty diaper might not be the fast road to pleasing God).

Every once in a while, I used to search online to find exactly WHAT were the duties of my state in life.  But the answer is simple -- it is my husband and children, my parents, and more generally, the practice of a Christian married life.  I think I was probably searching to find the minimum so I could check off "duties done for the day."  I suppose I was also looking for a way to feel good about myself -- sort of a grading scale.  I did that and that and that, which adds up to holiness!   But it's not so easy, when St Augustin says quite clearly the Church's teaching that we don't "earn" God's help nor can we expect to please Him by trying to get by with a passing grade. 

I have been thinking about that duty thing because, for one, I am reading Abandonment to Divine Providence by Father Caussade (which reminds me a bit of Father Dubay's books -- I think it is because he sometimes SEEMS to overstate his case, but further thinking makes me wonder if he isn't right).   Fr Caussade ponders on the meaning of the "present moment" and especially the idea of pursuing our duties in the present moment and leaving the rest to God. 

The other reason I am thinking about "duties" is because a lot of the reading I picked for Lent is about improving as a keeper of the house and home.   All the books I picked are hard going for me.  I'm not a detail person -- I like to dive into books and read them through in a sitting or two.  These books are almost all handbooks and I have to study them and then apply what I learned.   So it's work, not recreation, reading them, but I think it was a good idea to devote Lent to this kind of thing. 

What I Achieved in 2010

Across the blogosphere I was reading about peoples' achievements in 2010 and it made me feel uneasy because I can't really think of very many memorable personal achievements in the past year.   Other people got their PhDs, wrote a book, nurtured a baby to birth, started or grew a business, got a job, moved to a new house, or made some huge change in their life.

Me, my life looks not too different than the way it did when I saw 2010 come in.   I can really only think of a few changes:

1. I prepared my two youngest to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the first time in December.
2. I lost 20 pounds and have kept it off for 6 months -- this is the first January my weight has been this low for probably close to 10 years.
3. I have exercised near-daily and intentionally for 8 months now.
4. I have given away or tossed over 100 large-trash-bags of stuff that we had in our house.

Sigh. .... when my kids were infants and toddlers, or medically fragile, it didn't bother me that I seemed to be running in place, because running in place seemed like what I needed to be doing.

Now, though -- my youngest is 8 years old, several of my kids are grown and either in college or working, and I feel like I should go back to college or get a job or do SOMETHING that has a learning curve.   The opportunities where I am seem limited, though maybe it is my perspective that is limited.

In some ways, I think, I was getting in shape and lightening up the household load because those issues were getting in the way of doing something more.  But having cleared the path, I am not sure what the "more" is!

Maybe 2011 will tell me --  in the meantime I keep n mind what Milton wrote, that
...they also serve who only stand and wait.

and what St Francis de Sales wrote (somewhere) that ordinary life is a daily training for what God has in mind for you, whatever that is.    

Oh yes, and

5.  I learned to operate a snowblower!  There's something!

Cultivation

Word for 2011


Last year my word was "interiority" and that bore much fruit.  This year after I prayed and thought about it for a long time, I decided on "cultivation" for my word for 2011.    The idea came from Aquinas, On Prayer and the Contemplative Life, translated by Hugh Pope.

But we are said to reverence those men whom we honour or remember, or to whose presence we resort. So, too, even things which are subject to us are said to be "cultivated" by us (coli); thus husbandmen (agricolæ) are so called because they "cultivate" the fields; the inhabitants of a place, too (incolæ), are so called because they "cultivate" the spots where they dwell. But since special honour is due to God as the First Principle of all, a special kind of "cultus" or "reverence" is His due, and this the Greeks call eusebia or theosebia, as S. Augustine says.

I mentioned when I reviewed Splendor in the Ordinary that I have a disconnect between what goes on in my head and what I undertake with my hands and in my life.   The word Cultivation reminds me of how things that are under our stewardship -- house, garden, children, and so on -- are to be tended, but in a particular way.

Therefore, neither he that planteth is any thing, nor he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.

Nevertheless, though God gives the increase, it is still our responsibility to plant, water, till and so on.

So that word, I hope, will remind me of the patience and care and honest work that goes into tending the garden of one's life!

It also has a connotation of Fine Arts and the "cultivation" of the intellect and aesthetic sense and I don't want to forget that part either.

Feast Seasons without Gluttony?

Christmas Eve by Carl Larsson

I started a thread over at Real Learning on maintaining weight loss through the holiday season, hoping to motivate myself through networking and support.   This is tough time of year for me as far as weight maintenance goes --  I usually end up exercising less and eating more.  I have already gained five pounds since Thanksgiving -- not a catastrophe, but 5 pounds a month until February would undo all my hard work last spring.  And believe me, it has happened. 

One of the points someone brought up on the thread was that though we don't want to let go of all restraint, we do want to be able to appreciate the festive nature of the Christmas season.    In other words, it IS a feast time.

So how does one feast without being gluttonous?  I would really like to get this straightened out in my mind for the future!  Obviously, when celebrating the Birth of the Infant, one wants to be festive and that doesn't mean gloomily chewing on a bread crust while eying everyone else's pecan pie.  At the same time, how rude, to ignore the Infant Jesus while shoveling more chocolate toffee squares into one's mouth, right?

I can see it in general terms, but the balance eludes me.  Any ideas or thoughts? 

I am thinking that maybe PLANNING some festive food into the day might work.    That takes the "Forbidden Food" pull out of the whole thing.  Planning festivity sounds sort of funny to me, like a contradiction in terms but actually, that is generally what one does.   Hard to have festivities without planning.

Another thing that occurs to me is to focus more on the "giving" or "communal" aspect of having good things to share with others... hospitality.  It is hard to be greedy or gluttonous when you are thinking of other people and what would make them happy.  Four Moms of Many share ideas on hospitality here (with links to more)

Maintaining

My mother in law handed on to me a recent issue of Ladies Home Journal which happened to contain an article called 12 Ways to Think Yourself Thinner -- the link lets you look at the article in its entirety. (Here's a diet-blog's take on it too)


The Ladies Home Journal article seems to refer to cognitive behavior therapy which apparently has had among the best statistical results so far for weight loss and maintenance.   The apparent idea is to "think thin"  "change your thinking patterns"and consequently, change your behavior.  (Those last two sentences were just ways to incorporate a bunch of links and weren't necessarily representative of CBT in a nutshell).


Looking at the "12 Ways" -- I am not sure they qualify as "diet therapy" (as the cover billed them), but some of them make some sense, and I am thinking about blogging a bit about them because as you can see from my maintenance chart on the bottom of the page, December and January are traditionally the "up" part of my rollercoaster.  I have been maintaining a smallish but significant weight loss for 5 months now, but I know that the combination of stress, comfort food, cold and darkness makes the time between Thanksgiving and Lent a danger zone so far as good eating goes. 

By the way, a quick look at the Google Library reveals very few 19th century books written on the subject of obesity and weight reduction and diet -- but you can get a lot more results by typing in "gluttony"

Gluttony may be defined " an immoral and unintelleotual abandonment o' the sowl o' man to his gustative natur." I defy a brute animal to be a glutton. A swine's no a glutton. Nae creatur but man can be a glutton. A' the rest are prevented by the definition. -- James Hogg

Even in a brogue that reminds me of my Scots-Canadian grandpa. 

I think it interesting that the preoccupation of earlier generations was not so much with outer appearance as with interior thinking leading to action.    This has only a bit to do with numbers on the scale, or dress size.   There are thin gluttons walking around. 

I did find a small friendly treatise entitled encouragingly  Why Be Fat?

....When I was still a young girl I suddenly became conscious of the fact that I had accumulated more flesh than was either comfortable or becoming. I started in at once, with my own system, determining that my handmaidens should be patience and perseverance.

That I have been successful in reducing my flesh to a marked extent without any ill effects and in retaining my youthful appearance has proved my system to be of such benefit that I wish to pass it on to all those who are inclined, unwillingly, to corpulence or middle age. So often I am asked, "What did you do to lose so much flesh and not make yourself ill, and yet look so much younger than you did twenty years ago?" As my system has proved so beneficial, I wish to place it before the general public; and my advice to every one is to follow closely the rules of this book if they want to obtain, through healthful, right living, the same results as did

Amelia Summerville.
New York
January, 1916

 It's interesting to see a real self-help book written almost a century ago.   This one was even, I believe, written by an actress.    But I can't imagine any actress today writing that she determined that her handmaidens should be patience and perseverance.    Not even an actress's ghostwriter would write such a thing. 

By the way, I wonder if "Cognitive Behavior Therapy" is a new way of saying "Character Building" without
the emotional punch that most people feel (or at least I do) when they see the latter words.   I think that the past couple of centuries has wreaked havoc with the idea of the role of "will" in virtue.    I can't even read something that purports to build my character without feeling a huge discouragement -- which certainly doesn't help me put the suggestions into effect.   But "Cognitive Behavior Therapy"  -- that is, thinking in a constructive way, putting the thinking into practice by sensible and workable behavior changes, for a therapeutic or healthful result -- that actually seems to make a difference.   And yet it is basically what was always recommended (though it lacks, of course, any recourse to the immortal soul )    I am running out of time, but I would like to think about that some more.   

Hmm, on second thought -- I don't think they are quite the same thing.  It comes down to the difference between James Hogg's focus on the disposition and behavior, vs Amelia Summerville's focus on the results.   There is nothing wrong with trying to lose weight to improve health and appearance, but it is not the same thing as trying to become more virtuous.   They might overlap sometimes -- you might lose weight after you improve your behavior, for example -- but the goals are different.  Or so I'm thinking...

Gratitude for Comfort

1. A fourteen year old son making chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast with both his younger brothers clustered happily around him.
2. The electric blanket my husband bought yesterday.
3. An older son bringing in firewood regularly so the woodstove is always going.
4. My jet-steam-cleaner -- makes it easy to sterilize and clean little corners.
5. All my patient and helpful household servants -- my dishwasher, my washer and dryer, my rangetop, my vacuum, my toaster oven, my hand mixer, my coffee maker.  
6. My hardback journal that I got from Borders years and years ago and is now filled to the last page. 
7. My cardigans, hooded sweatshirts and long underwear. 

Gratitude:  For warm, comforting, and convenient things.

In the Moment Gratitude

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

I'm grateful that now that Pop Warner football is over we can eat dinner at 6 pm instead of 8:30

I'm grateful that we got the firewood covered with tarps and the garage clutter moved under the deck before the rain and snow came

I'm grateful for an extra large size bathtub especially on cold days

I'm grateful for a 17 year old son high-fiving his 7 year old brother after a hard-played football game

I'm grateful for leisurely Sundays where I can read and nap and get ready for the upcoming week

I'm grateful for a little boy preparing for First Confession who is quietly trying to do good things for the love of God.  

Household Journal -- up to 97 bags

I haven't really updated about my decluttering progress for a long time, I know.  So here goes: 

Am I done? That is, is my house minimalist and clutter-free?

Uh...no. LOL.


Then have I done any more decluttering?

Yes! I got a couple more trash bags out of the house. And though I never tried to persuade my husband to do what I was doing, he was inspired to go through his office closet and clear it by close to 50%. So that was 10 or so more bags.


Am I going to keep up my efforts?

At a reduced pace. I think our main clutter now is books and papers. So I'm going to spend the winter going slowly through those, with an emphasis on MY books that aren't of particular interest to anyone else in the house.

Do I really WANT minimalist and clutter-free?

I'm not so concerned about that.  I wouldn't even want 24/7 clutter-freedom, because that would probably mean our family wasn't actually doing anything productive.  Productivity with material things means temporary clutter, doesn't it?   

What are my goals then? 

• Less stuff, less visual distraction.
• Less time spent re-arranging and dealing with objects.  
• Less relying on purchases
• Easier time finding things we really need.
• Easier time putting things away because everything has a place and a SPACE around them (that means avoiding complicated Tetris patterns of storage -- for folks with a tiny house and several kids, like we had once, Tetris-type storage may be necessary, but it's not when you have lots of closet space). 
• More relying on personal resources and God rather than on THINGS so much.

Am I trying anything new?

I haven't actually started yet, but I'm going to start keeping track of what comes INTO the house as well as what goes out.    I won't count food, firewood, or other consumable necessities.   I'll just count THINGS that will either get used or not, but either way will set their footprint on our floor-space.

Today we got a snowblower, for example.  It leaves a footprint on our garage.  However, we also got Sears to take away our old rangetop which was in the garage, so we actually ended up with a minus, hooray! 

Have there been any negatives about the effort and its results?

Not really!  None of us has yet missed anything that left the house.    My only issue is that the house still looks pretty full, so I still have a ways to go.    Winter will give me time to go through bit by bit and figure out why.

Gratitude Journal #2

Today's theme is Tough Jobs but I can't seem to get inspired by that so I'll just list----

Seven Little Things that Make Me Happy Right Now,
(and why they aren't so little):

1. 8 cords of firewood stacked and ready for winter, and Brendan's and Aidan's hard work getting it stacked.  
2. This warm Indian summer we're having right now -- temps in the 70's.  Keep it coming! 
3. Our new snow-blower -- now I'm not quite so sad about the coming winter snows because shiny machinery makes everything better, as you know.
4. My daughter's courage -- she broke her arm at college and has been handling all the medical bureaucracy without us.  And her college friends who have been giving her emotional support.
5. Sean's cool home jersey, and the fact that he might start homeschooling again.
6. My husband's hugs during the day, and how he provides for us.
7. My new hand mixer which I got for my birthday.   Kieron is making cookies right now with it, and he makes the best peanut butter cookies ever.
 

Gratitude:  For little things that add up to big things, like warmth and food and family and friends

Gratitude Journal #1

I'm going to try to do one of those gratitude themes this November.   Here's a site called 30 Days of Gratitude where you can use the daily "theme" ideas for gratitude.   Today's theme is a special nature spot.

Here is Mount Shasta up in the northernmost part of California.   Even though it's not particularly close to our house, it's almost a symbol of gratitude to me.   My friend Chari lives with a view of the mountain from her house and she often posts a picture of the mountain just to show what she has to be grateful for.   Don't you think that's a good idea in general?  Her life is not always perfectly happy and serene, any more than anyone's is, but whenever she looks at the mountain she thinks of how beautiful it is, how fortunate she is to have such a beautiful view, and how God in His bounty provided her with that setting in which to bring up her six children and live her life.

Gratitude:  For the good things in my life, the things that are always there but sometimes go unnoticed because of their very solidity and stillness.  

 Thinking of Mt Shasta and Chari reminds me how grateful I am for this durable family friendship.   When my daughter was only 10 she was lonely for the first time in her life.  She had always been very close to her next-in-age brother but now she wanted a girlfriend, a "kindred spirit".    She and I said a novena together.   Soon after that Chari's oldest daughter wrote Clare a letter and a pen-pal relationship started that turned into a true friendship when our families met.   We were blessed several-fold because now Chari and I are close friends and several of our children have close friendships as well.    A couple of them even go to the same college. 

Gratitude:   For prayers answered in such a loving, unique way, leading to so many fruits beyond the prayer itself.   No matter HOW God answers my prayers, He always does, and He does it with an infinite, personal care.